Having You In The Future

“Cinta tidak harus memiliki..”

We call it by that in Indonesian Language. Maybe it’s “You don’t have to own the love” in English. But wait, what the hell is wrong with me? I can tell you it’s not an usual feeling.

What’s the meaning of this? I’ll explain to you. It’s a condition when you fall in love with someone, but you know that you can’t have him/her. Then, you can see him/her happy with another person and meanwhile it gives you a heartsick. I believe almost everyone has ever felt it. Well, you can’t force your desire to make him/her love you back. – Actually I don’t really like to write about this, because it’s kinda a difficult matter –”

But the love that I’m feeling here is about something that I can’t comply. It’s just, the condition doesn’t allow me to have him. I’ve been loving him since high school time. But I don’t have any courage to make him mine. Just why? I think he is a part of me, I really want to learn about him. Whenever I hear rock songs, especially Avenged Sevenfold, that desire to have him appear once again now. Maybe I get older now, and I don’t have an idea where I should start this.

When I went to bookstore last week, it finally cracked me up. I think I want to cry when I saw him standing gallantly there. Just why.. I was thinking about having him. But I really can’t, I don’t have any skills. Perhaps, I can learn it through the internet or whatever. It will be great if I can play with him while I’m studying. And it will be amazing if I can play with him whenever I want. Maybe I can have you in the future =)



My Heroes ❤

Annyeong :)

Oh God, these days I can’t think about anyone but only JSON. You’ve successfully make me stressed out, no, not really. I have to learn more about it, but, later. I gotta tell you guys something, about my heroes :D

Well, let’s start from my first hero.

1. Naruto

Naruto Uzumaki

Yup, he’s such a stubborn child. But now, he has grown up and become a mature man. He has a power to gather all people’s heart. He’s so cool, but he’s also fool. That’s what I like about him :)

2. Monkey D. Luffy

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy is a pirate and he’s a captain in his crew. His crew called by Mugiwara no Ichimi or Straw Hat Pirates. He’s cheerful and also cool. I love his personality and his voice. Just look at the pic above, he always feeling excited about something. I don’t know if he ever fall in love? He doesn’t have any feeling towards girl, I wonder why? But that’s what I like about him. He’s also a dumb, just like Naruto. He won’t give up on something. He will try to get what he wants until he get it. He enjoys traveling through the sea (you don’t say!). If he’s alive, I will marry him. Don’t ask me. Too many things that I like about him :)

3. Trevor Philips

Trevor Philips

Oh my God. Just look at him. He’s such a hipster! Haha, no I won’t say it again Trevor :p

I don’t know why I like him. He’s a vicious man, he will do whatever he wants. Uh-oh, that’s horrible. He never take a shower, he eats whatever inside his refrigerator, include a spoiled food (ewww..) So, why do people admire him? He has no plus side, and he’s not very handsome haha.. But I can feel that he’s a very sensitive man. Just when he found someone he loves, he will love that woman deeply. He won’t let anyone touch her. Yup, that’s just so sweet. And also, he’s very brave. Oh, I forget. I am also a fan of his voice actor. He’s Steven Ogg. He’s very similiar to Trevor. Oh my, just when I saw him, and when he’s talking, he’s a real Trevor! Well, its Steven Ogg photo, he’s wearing blue plaid shirt :)

Steven Ogg

Well, that’s them. They all are very cool and I love their character :D What about you?


Something That I Don’t Want to Write


Does anybody likes to make an enemy? Well I don’t, normally. But when someone does, umm well..

How do I start this.. I don’t think I can hold it.
People are not the same, they are different each other. Your plus, your minus. They are different with others. And of course your problem. Not everybody has the same problem, right? Maybe you have a ‘sensitive’ problem, and you can’t solve it by yourself. You can try asking close people around you, especially your family. After sharing with them and you can’t solve it, then try ask it to your best friends.

What are they for if you don’t share anything to them? Don’t think about only share happiness to them. You also need to share your pain with them. If they don’t listen to it — but they will listen to it, I swear, if they care about you.

Well, it’s hard to predict someone’s problem. But it’s easy to recognize if someone is in trouble. Don’t act till you’re the real actor. Because people who close to you will know that you have a problem.

Self-realization. Do you think you miss this point? Well, I should say this. If you don’t have this, how can someone realize you and your problem? I mean, you don’t care about someone’s thing, and try forget it. Don’t try forget it for real! If you forget it, you don’t have any respect to people’s belonging. You want a respect? And you have to obey the rule, dude. Don’t play it by yourself.

Well, who the hell am I dare to said all of this shit? I’m just an imperfect human, trying to do my best. Trying to understand each other. Yeah I really hate a fake smile, well I DO! And I hate behaving fake. Don’t hate me because I hate them all. You want to laugh and cry with them? Don’t blame them if they don’t listen to you. Try to introspect yourself. Love to use your friend? That’s okay, but not that often. Love to asking help to your friend? You can’t do anything if they can’t help you. Oh please don’t make me hate you more. Normally I really care about you.


Rainy Night

Have you ever think about running outside on rainy-stromy-night? Do you ever feel that you want to live by yourself, with no one around you?

When you don’t feel that you don’t belong to where you sit right now. You feel that you’re an alien. You don’t understand about what people said around you. Your friends, and even your family?

Sometimes I think about running away. Just running from this reality. Sometimes I don’t know why I remain silent, trying to be a good one.

Some people try to be nice so others will like you. Help people what they need so people will like you more — I need time for myself. Always being a selfish kid and plead to your parents to get what you want. Never think about what will happen to the future. Trying so hard so people will recognize you. Trying to make people love you, so they will do anything for you.

What’s the meaning of life, actually? — I really need a space only for me.

It would be fun to runaway by yourself, nowhere, no one would worried about you. Why do they even love me? I don’t think I’m worth enough to be loved by those few people. Is it real? They love me from the bottom of their heart? Is it just because a bond between us? Why they don’t let me cry? And why I keep crying even when I’m around them?

Look, I really need a private space here. I just can’t stop this sensitive feeling now. — Yongguk, will you shut up please. I really shouldn’t have listening to any song right now. God, I need more tissue.

Will someone love me when I do nothing? Or should I have some abilities to make them love me?

Right, nobody will dare to touch a withered wood.

I still haven’t do my best. I don’t even know if I have best of myself. Or is this all my best? I don’t know.

Still, that crazy idea will always appear in my mind. Running away, alone, and die in the cold of night.


I believe that every people in this world have two sides, they’re good side and bad side. It’s impossible to find a person with only good side or only bad side. No one is perfect. Perfect good person or perfect bad person. A really good person, doesn’t mean she/he never did a bad thing, neither does the bad one. So far, you only judge people by one side, good or bad, it depends on what they’ve done, the most seen side.


I love you, Dad, Mom, Sisters, and friends :)